...with the exception of Chris, Troy, Blane, and well...most guys. And I don't really hate the one specific guy I'm talking about. I'm just frustrated with my inarticulate nature concerning matters of the heart.

Rewind to earlier...Class was...class. I had lunch with Blane, who I met officially for the first time. He's pretty cool, and I'm not just saying that because he actually reads this piece o'shit called a blog. I chilled out for awhile...more class...half-hearted attempts at getting ahead on homework...dinner with the girls, where we had a rather heated debate about the true existence/nature of love. I'd like to think that love doesn't exist for me, as I am a free spirit who can't be tied down anywhere...but, then there's Aaron...

He's not my boyfriend. I'm not even sure he thinks of me as anything other than just a friend. Still, there's something about him that makes me wish that the whole concept of the "soul mate" exists. He makes me think that perhaps not all guys are assholes after all...In all truth, I'm probably just in love with the ideals he represents to me...the poet aspect, the fact he likes children...Perhaps I can kill off the naive sixteen-year-old in me once and for all, as he is leaving eventually. They all leave...

So, I changed into my "gratuitous groupie" outfit and walked to the bus stop. Aaron and I had our usual conversations about how things are going, like the kids he works with, my internship, stories we've written, what we're doing for the weekend...By the time we were waiting for the opening act, the conversation got a bit heavy...topics ranging from issues with parents, whether or not we agreed on the concept of "staying together for the kids" to issues of sexual politics.

Some obnoxious guys behind us started yelling random names and yelling out that the opening act sucked. It got annoying after awhile, but eh...it's no worse than in my giant lecture hall classes...

I love Chris Carrabba...I don't care if that makes me a twelve-year-old girl...He said something about how he sort of relived his days in college since he walked around campus and no girls talked to him. During some of the quieter songs like "Remember to Breathe," "This Brilliant Dance," and "The Best Deceptions," I tried to find an opportune moment to put my head on Aaron's shoulder, but couldn't do it. Sometimes I wonder if I'm hallucinating that we have any sort of chemistry together at all. I'm completely fiery and emotional. He's rather reserved and down-to-earth.

I felt a bit awkward singing along, but a lot of other people were too. It gave me a warm fuzzy feeling... Also, the name Dashboard Confessional reminds me of all the times I drove around late at night in Springfield (especially speeding down Veteran's parkway) and thinking about things, with my only companion being late-night indie-rock or jazz. That, and all the times I rode around with friends (like Mario) and had conversations with no eye contact due to focusing on the road, but actively listening to the conversation and counseling each other.

Dashboard Confessional closed with "The Best Deceptions," "Vindicated" (both of which some guy behind me kept yelling for before the encore, which I thought was cool since he practically read my mind), and "Hands Down." I love the whole part of the song about walking home, and kissing someone like they meant it...which oddly plays into what happens later...even though no kiss was involved.

So, Aaron and I took the other 22 bus which went around longer, but at least we got to sit down. I felt particularly flirty and ostentatious, randomly poking him, putting my head on his shoulder, and ruffling his hair. If that didn't freak him out, I don't know what did... We got off the bus, and started walking to his apartment building. Some students were playing tag or something by Krannert, and I was in a giddy mood...

Then came the moment of truth...which came and went before I could say anything particularly meaningful. I kept stammering, fumbling around, but failing to find the right words. I even told him that I really wanted to tell him something, but couldn't find the right words. Aaron's response: basically, whatever it was, I could tell him on class Tuesday...:I growled slightly: ... Monday, we have class Monday. I guess he's not perfect after all, but I'm more frustrated with myself than anything else right now.

I ended up finishing the pint of Haagen-Dazs and starting on a bag of Doritos. I'm out of cigars and I can't buy booze, so my only other outlet is junk food...Heh. Oh well, I got most of my homework done.

This weekend is promising though...except for the sleeping in the lounge part...Sometimes I wish that I hadn't renounced my wicked ways so that I could take advantage of being owed a free room for the night.

Also, my latest story idea seems very promising. I'll post it eventually...